How to Raise Your Children Biblically

Proverbs 7:1-4 states, "My son, keep my words and treasure up my commandments with you;

keep my commandments and live; keep my teaching as the apple of your eye; bind them on your fingers; write them on the tablet of your heart. Say to wisdom, “You are my sister,” and call insight your intimate friend.

As I read through the Bible this year, I find it striking how often the Proverbs reference a father speaking to his son. As I ponder these writings, I realize the importance of teaching my own children lessons from God's Word. Parents are the primary disciplers of their children. Pastors, leaders, teachers, and peers can complement discipling in your child's life but the most effective way for your child to be discipled is in the home. In fact, how you disciple your children can cause those other teachings to bear even more fruit.

Here in Proverbs 7, we see a father imploring his son to listen and treasure his teachings and commands. In today's society that seems outlandish. The world tells us to not restrict our children because we need to let them learn from life experiences and that boundaries are like prisons. We should let them explore their feelings and thoughts. We should affirm their feelings no matter what actions they lead to in their lives.

This completely contradicts what Scripture says. It is one thing to sympathize with our children and their feelings that lead to sinful actions. However, this passage shows us that our children should keep (obey/ remember) our teaching and treasure our commands. This reveals that parents ought to instruct their children regularly.

Children should be so used to teaching from their parents that we should be able to say "remember" and they can. We should command them so frequently and teach them the value of following that command that it is the apple of their eye. No child naturally treasures commands (rules), but when you show them the benefits and blessings of following commands rooted in God's Word, they will. Then they will see how wise it is to follow your and God's commands. Wisdom will be so close to them that she will feel like a sibling and an intimate friend. Isn't that the goal? Don't we want our children to be wise believers? We can accomplish this in several ways.

Regularly teaching our children the Word of God. Children will not value teaching from you or others if they are not regularly put under the teaching of God's Word. This means you have to be in the Word. You have to read, study, and seek wise counsel. Then, you teach that to your children. When they see you excited about God's Word, they will grow to be excited about God's Word.

You have to command them. Your children are not the decision-makers in your home. God has placed you in their lives to show them the dangers of sin. If there are no boundaries in your home, your children will live at school, in their future marriages, jobs, churches, and more as if there are no boundaries to stay inside.

There must be discipline when commands are broken. Our children will not understand why God punishes sinners by sending them to Hell (which we all deserve) if we do not show them the punishment for breaking the commands we give in the home which are rooted in the Word. When our children don't have clear teachings from their sinful choices through discipline, they will not see the need to repent. If discipline is not something that hurts them, then they will live life without fear of consequences. Each child is different, so each discipline is different. Loss of a sport or club may be more effective than loss of electronics or vice versa. However, the Scripture teaches that parents who do not discipline their children do not love their children. The Scripture uses the imagery of a rod because it should cause pain that reminds the child of the consequence of sin. This does not mean that every sin deserves a spanking, but you do have to find biblical and effective ways to show your child that sinful actions lead to impactful punishments. When I was in high school, I was well past the age of spankings. And I rebelled against my dad by dating a girl he told me I was not allowed to be with. He gave a clear command and gave biblical reasoning. I obeyed for a time but chose to sin against my dad and God by dating her anyway when I was convinced by others it was not that big of a deal. I "felt" like my dad was just controlling and overbearing. However, his punishment taught me a lesson. The punishment? I was not allowed to go to youth camp entering my senior year. As a youth, I regularly taught and was considered a youth leader. I surrendered to the call of the ministry and yet I was not allowed to go to a church camp. Others thought my dad was crazy, but the lesson came in loud and clear. You cannot claim to be a leader and man of God while living in open rebellion.

Show your children your sin and repent as well. When your children see that this struggle with sin will endure as long as they live in this life, they will sympathize with you. When you repent in front of them for how you act and ask for forgiveness for your actions, it will show them that you are not a hypocrite. You will be training them to see the value of repentance.

Show them grace. When your children fail, show and tell them you love them no matter what. This will show them a shadow of the great love with which God has loved us. When we were dead in our trespasses God, God loved us and made us alive in Him. When we were His enemies, Christ died for us. Your love and grace will show them that God loves His children unconditionally while He disciplines them. It will show them that no sinful action will separate them from the love of God if they have believed in Christ by faith.

Disciple your children consistently. Discipline them purposefully. Love them fervently.

This article was written by Armando Yzaguirre Jr. He serves as the Member Care Pastor at Fellowship Church in southwest Florida. He and his wife, Jessica, have three children. For more writing from Armando, visit https://bloodboughttheology.substack.com/.